Earlier, I wrote about the “continuing conversation” leading to an ask with your major donors. I said there are people on whom you may need to give up getting a gift. I also said I would write on that topic in an upcoming article. (Silly me! Tough topic.)

Here’s the issue:

You don’t like to give up on anyone you know has the capacity to make a major gift to your group, especially if they’ve given in the past. I’ve been there! (One of your best traits is pleasant persistence, right?)

So this may sound familiar: You've just learned from a long-term major donor that they are not going to give or are only giving a token amount to your special campaign. You think, "Surely, this can't be true. If I just keep working with them, they will come through". Besides, you just saw them at your group's annual fundraising gala and they were having a great time!

Let’s say you have already replied to their bad news by saying, "In light of your past support, we expected a significant gift from you. Is the timing bad for you? Or is it this particular project that doesn't resonate with you? Or something else?" Their answers were evasive to these questions, and there was very little for you to follow up with them.

You just know they can make a significant gift to your campaign! They've done it before, and your group has always counted on them.

And therein lies the problem. The donor may have the capacity but they must also have the motivation and interest to give generously at this point in time to this project compared to other purposes (or things) they might spend money on. It might be the medical care of a relative. Or a special appeal from another group they support. Or a yacht. More to the point - maybe their motivation (and excitement) for supporting your group just isn't there anymore, for whatever reason. And they may not be willing to tell you this directly.

Here’s further confusion: Sometimes donors continue to attend your events, but they stop giving or give much less. Turns out it’s not your cause they love; it’s some of your supporters or even a whole social group. This often happens with the alumni of colleges and universities.

So let’s face it – you simply can’t know everything you need to know about this donor. But you can tell that something has changed.

I’m going to let you off the hook here.

Let’s put this donor in “dormant” mode but not write them off forever.

Bottom line: We don’t want you spending lots of time trying to figure out how to get this donor to give at the level they are capable of when there’s something else going on that you can’t control. We don't want your time and attention abused.

It's always possible that “something else” may change or resolve itself, and you want to still be there for your donor if they return to the fold.

But that "something else" may not change. Your donor may have moved on. My advice is to apply the same approach to staying in touch with them as with any of your donors who’ve greatly reduced their giving or are lapsed. Steward their past gifts as you would for anyone (but without the cherry-on-top cultivation part for the next gift), keep them on the mailing list for major donor communications throughout the year, and be pleasant and courteous when you run into them. But don't initiate contact for personal interactions. Take them off your active cultivation list. You don't have time for it.

And remember: This donor can always get in touch with you in the future if they'd like to discuss a new gift. They know how to find you.