A client of mine recently complained about meeting with a donor who “made me buy his coffee”. Her comment caused me to recall an experience I had as a fundraiser new to the profession - much more expensive than coffee.

The Invitation

I was working in a big capital campaign, and I was referred to a prospective donor, “Jack”, someone with strong past connections to my nonprofit group. Jack had recently returned from conducting business abroad, and was now living in Los Angeles. Press reports about Jack hinted at big-money business deals, and when I called him, he readily agreed to meet with me to learn about our campaign. He said, “Let’s meet for lunch at Shutters on the Beach in Santa Monica.” I said fine, thinking “Wow, that’s a pretty spendy place.” Worst case, however, I thought I could have a light lunch and pick up my own tab if I had to. But my experience had been that when I asked to meet with someone about the campaign, and they agreed and suggested we meet over lunch, they would pick up the tab for both of us. Otherwise, my having lunch would be costing our group funds that could have been spent delivering our mission, and our donors knew that was counterproductive.

Meanwhile, over lunch…

You know where this story is going! The restaurant was beautiful and luxurious, and Jack settled into a five course lunch with an expensive bottle of wine, while I ate my salad and drank my Perrier and tried to talk with him about his connection to our organization. He became increasingly disengaged from the conversation, and right after dessert and right before the check arrived, he looked at me, smiled, and said, “Thank you for the nice lunch – I really enjoyed it!”

I was flabbergasted. In shock, I gave the waiter my organization’s credit card for a total of almost $250. Jack slimed out the door, never to be heard from again, and I tried to figure out how to tell my supervisor what happened when I got back to the office.

Regrets I had a few...no, 250 of them!

Within minutes after he left, I knew what I should have done (don’t you hate it when this happens!) – first, I should have tried not to meet for lunch (or dinner) at the first meeting. Failing that, I should have clarified who would be paying for lunch before we settled on a place, especially since I’d not met him before. Alternatively, upon learning he wanted to meet at an expensive place, I could have suggested a more modest restaurant and said, “That way [my employer] won’t have to spend too much buying me lunch,” which would have invited him to reply, “Oh, I’m buying lunch” (or not, in Jack’s case…).

So much for the fresh-faced young fundraiser that I was! A healthy watchfulness tempered my enthusiasm in approaching donor prospects from that point on.

Bottom line...

Someone who intends to support your organization will understand that every dollar you have to spend on coffee, breakfast, lunch or dinner in order to meet with them is one less dollar available for your organization to spend on your mission – whether educating children, feeding the hungry, treating mentally ill people, protecting pristine wilderness, or something else that’s vitally important. While they might let you pay for your own lunch, they will not make you pay for their lunch, and if they do, they are extremely unlikely to be good donor prospects. (Once in awhile, a donor prospect will simply be inexperienced or inattentive and let their check languish on the table, but this is unusual and still worth your attention as you evaluate the situation afterwards.)

For board members

What if I had been a board member – a volunteer instead of a paid professional? While I may not have minded spending my own money on lunch for the two of us, I would have noted Jack’s attitude. I would have determined not to waste much time on him going forward, unless he said something like, “Next time, lunch will be on me,” in which case I would give him another chance, but not before asking him if he was interested in supporting the campaign.

May your lunch tabs always be picked up!